ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize