6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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