i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
