respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
