I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I touched a dick in church today
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
