The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
