That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
