I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
