Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
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It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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