Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
