So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
