Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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