I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
