All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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