I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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