It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
