im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
