i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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