Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize