Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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