dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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