god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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