There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
