ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
