Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
my poor anus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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