a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
