I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
