Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
