I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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