u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
