: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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