I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
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I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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