I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
