Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
