Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
