Your tits are I can't wait for
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
