Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
