They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
