I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
