I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
