I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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