Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
if only i could text you this smell
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
