The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
