I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
