i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
