You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
