I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
