Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
