$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
