I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
