just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
