I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my being single is dangerous.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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