my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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