Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You know, be my cock's hype man.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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