I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
