he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
