Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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