I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
