a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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