My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
