We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she looked like the before picture.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
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We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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