I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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