Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
